Hubby wants me to quit my job for our baby, he’ll provide everything

Hi, Nao Mih,

My name is Pesh. I work as a cashier at a local supermarket, and the job is somehow more demanding now that I have a 1-year-old baby. My husband told me to quit my job and focus on taking care of our child, saying he’d provide everything I and my baby needed. I have been thinking through this for a long time. What should I do?

Hi Pesh,

Deciding to quit a job is a major life decision that involves reflecting on your priorities and goals. Many factors can cause someone to consider quitting, but some may be short-term problems that can be resolved, while others may be an indicator for you to pursue other opportunities.

It’s okay to quit when you feel that doing so is important to your career, mental health, finances, and other aspects of your life. Before quitting, it may be worthwhile to consider resolving this issue with your husband before making the decision.

Talk to him about your opinion. Your husband shouldn’t decide what you want to do with your life. You may decide to quit your job and be a full-time mom to your kid, but ask yourself how important your job is to you. Do you think you’ll be happy quitting to be a full-time mom? If not, then it’ll definitely have an effect on your marriage later on if you quit to please your husband.

What if you split up in the future? You’ll have lost your job and financial independence. The job may be demanding, but remember, kids are also expensive. It may be easier now that you only have one child. What will happen in the future if you get more kids and your husband loses his job? Show him how expensive children are and how your income will help offset some of these costs. Do a household budget with your job, without it, and with the added costs of a kid.

With all this being said, don’t ever quit your job unless that’s what you truly want. Don’t just do it to make your husband happy while you stay miserable and live a life that you never wanted. Marriage is about respect and compromise. If he loves you, he’ll respect your decision and care about your happiness too.

You don’t have to be a full-time stay-at-home mom to raise your kids. You may consider getting a nanny. Mothers leave their kids with nannies or at a daycare to chase their dreams and pursue their goals. That doesn’t mean that they don’t love their kids or love them less. They’re trying to give them their best and protect their mental health too. You won’t take care of your kid(s) if you’re miserable and/or depressed, even if you’re there 24/7.

So, talk to your husband and ask him why he really wants you to quit your job, since it’s possible to have both. You can’t be in a marriage where it’s only his way or the right way. Both of you are into this, and both of you have to come up with a decision where you will both be satisfied.

I guarantee you that if not, it’ll have a bad effect on your marriage later on, and you may both resent each other. If he’s not willing to understand and compromise on this, then you both aren’t as compatible as you thought you were.

Let me know how it goes. Best of luck, Pesh!