Hello Nao Mih,
I just got married recently after graduating with a diploma in human resource management. The problem is, my husband, whom I currently live with in a rented apartment here in Nakuru, wants me to go and stay with his mother in shags as I search for employment.
I am against the idea, and we’ve been fighting over it for a month now. I believe going to stay in the countryside away from my husband will compromise my marriage, apart from reducing the chances of me getting employed.
My husband has threatened to end the marriage if I don’t comply, claiming that I am stubborn and rude. What can I do?
Hi,
Marriage is a union formed between two people who love, respect, and understand each other and their opinions and concerns. It worries me to learn that your voice and opinions don’t matter.
As a matter of fact, conflict in marriage is always going to happen. However, a mature, healthy, and lasting relationship requires negotiation, mutual respect, and compromise, and there’s no need to fear if you’re genuine and expressing yourself and what you really want.
It’s important that you find a way to sit down with your husband and really sort this out. He will only understand you if you communicate. Don’t assume that he knows what you want, how you feel, or what you’re going through.
Be honest with him; confess your struggles, fears, and insecurities. Let him know what you’re going through and what you’re really afraid of.
I’m really glad that you don’t want to be a stay-at-home wife. Tell him you’re afraid that if you move to the countryside, this may jeopardize your marriage and also reduce your chances of landing a job.
Speak quietly to your husband. No yelling, lest he hear your noise and not the content of what you’re trying to say. I’m not saying that you can’t express your opinion passionately, but remember, the louder your words, the less you’ll be heard.
When your husband is talking, you should listen, not plan a rebuttal. Stay on the topic, and remember, the goal is to reach a solution to the problem at hand.
As you hash things out this way, you may find some sort of compromise beginning to take shape. Perhaps your husband will agree to put off the move for a while, and you can revisit the discussion later. He may even agree to help you find a job, so you don’t just stay at home.
Remember, a mature relationship requires realistic solutions to problems, not wishful thinking or denial of reality. I’m not sure what to tell you if your husband continues not to hear you and your point of view on this matter and thinks that you’re stubborn.
Whatever solution you come up with to the current disagreement, I wish you the best of luck!
Naomi Makassi from Kitale, Trans Nzoia County, is a graduate of Rongo University who finds passion in helping young adults build successful relationships through writing.