Hae Nao Mih,
My name is Stacy. I come from Bunyore but currently working in Nakuru. Lately, I have noticed a strange behavior with my boyfriend, whom I stay with – he is too attached to his male best friend. Recently, I came back home from work and bumped into them holding hands inside our rented room, they disengaged immediately they noticed my presence. I was surprised but pretended I hadn’t noticed anything.
One thing that makes me want your advice is the manner in which he is becoming groomed and very neat these days, especially when he is going to meet him. He doesn’t want to cut his hair as he used to and he combs it in a manner that is not manly. It is also worrying that he is becoming less intimate with me and quite repulsive.
Is what I am thinking right or I am being judgemental? What should I do?
Hello Stacy,
This is a tough one. You have a hunch that something isn’t right, and that is worth listening to if you don’t feel desired in a sexual relationship, it can be utterly demoralizing, and there is no reason to put up with it if that is what is happening or if that is how the relationship makes you feel.
However, before you do anything drastic, you may want to look at things a bit differently. You’ve been with him for quite some time and I think you know your man better than us. I do believe that communication in a relationship is very important. Sit down with him and have a heart-to-heart conversation before you conclude anything.
Whether your boyfriend is starting to develop feelings for men or not, the only thing that should matter is, does he treat you right? And does he make you happy? If the answer to either of them is not a yes, then you might want to consider other options. But that said, ask him if he is happy, and what he wants out of your relationship. If he is not happy, don’t force him to stay. Besides, you’ll also be able to decide for yourself what the best cause of action will be.
There is also a chance that your boyfriend is bisexual. Bisexuals are capable of choosing to be with one person in a monogamous relationship just like a heterosexual can choose to be with one woman in spite of the availability of other partners.
Maybe he is attracted to men but prefers the ‘social norm’ of a heterosexual relationship. This a major red flag. In other words, he is trying to tell you that he’d prefer to be with a man but he is just choosing to conform. This will disappoint both of you. Unless you’re ready to share him with his friend or leave you when he finally accepts his sexuality you should not be involved with him.
Maybe he is dating you in public and seeing men in private. You’ll need to ask yourself how you’ll feel and act if you find out the case.
I’ll tell you this, be upfront with him, but don’t be harsh because he’ll be defensive. Talk to him from the heart, and if he loves you, he’ll be honest with you. He’ll tell you the truth, maybe he is starting to accept his sexuality or maybe they’re just friends and they have always been.
Just be prepared for whatever response he’ll give you and no matter what, try to maintain your cool and accept the outcome. Make your decision, a decision that you won’t regret in future.
Naomi Makassi, a Rongo University graduate from Kitale, Trans Nzoia County, is passionate about helping young adults build successful relationships through her writing.
