The death of Meddy, a 41-year-old woman from Masheti village in Lugari Sub-County, Kakamega County, has left residents grappling with uncomfortable questions about depression, loneliness, and the responsibility people have towards those around them.
The woman was found dead inside her pharmacy after reportedly locking herself inside the premises shortly after attending church on a Sunday in July. According to neighbors, she had told them that she had her own issues and wanted to be left alone. She even instructed them not to disturb her or call her to open the shop if customers arrived.
‘She wanted to be left alone‘
At one point, a customer seeking an injection was reportedly attended to before Meddy locked herself inside again. Several days later, after attempts to reach her by phone failed, concerned residents forced the shop open and found her body in an advanced state of decomposition.
One resident also alleged that Meddy’s estranged husband was informed but declined to come, saying the matter did not concern him. That claim, however, remains an allegation and should not be treated as established fact without independent confirmation.
But beyond the circumstances surrounding her death lies a much bigger question: What happens when someone is struggling silently and the people around them fail to recognize the seriousness of their pain?
What did people say about her death?
The Facebook comments on the story of her death, published by the Western Kenya Times, offered a glimpse into how people understand depression and the way society responds to those who are hurting.
One commenter captured one of the simplest but most powerful forms of support: listening.
“Let us speak out; you can’t lack one person who will listen. Just listen! Depression is real,” Rose Nafula Wanjala Choni wrote.
Those words carry an important lesson. Sometimes people do not immediately need money, solutions, or lectures. They need someone willing to sit with them, listen without judging, and allow them to express what they are carrying.
Depression can be triggered or worsened by many circumstances. Relationship problems, separation, bereavement, financial difficulties, loneliness, family conflict, unemployment, chronic stress, trauma, and feeling rejected or unappreciated can all contribute to emotional distress. For some people, several difficulties may pile up over time until even ordinary responsibilities begin to feel unbearable.
This is reflected in another comment that referred to people who are “always taken for granted” and eventually become exhausted. The statement points to an uncomfortable reality: even the person who appears strongest can eventually reach their limit.
“Pole sana kwake wakati mwengine unaeza amua tu dunia haina huruma kwanza to the most understanding people you are always taken for granted. Punda huchoka,” said Esther Reborn.
People also sometimes mistake withdrawal for stubbornness, attention-seeking, or rudeness.
When someone stops talking, isolates themselves, loses interest in things they previously enjoyed, or repeatedly says they want to be left alone, those around them may simply decide to give them space. But while personal space can sometimes be helpful, complete withdrawal can also be a warning sign when accompanied by noticeable changes in behavior or emotional well-being.
When do we ‘reject’ someone’s request to be left alone?
Another comment suggested that people should have intervened after Meddy reportedly said she did not want anyone near her. The sentiment raises an important question: When should we respect someone’s request for space, and when should we become more concerned?
“All this after kwambia hataki mtu karibu mngemlazimisha kamkutano ka kumpea advice kiasi halafu akae na mtu karibu kwa kulazimishwa hizi hazingetokea. Aki depression is real pole kwa familia yake,” said Modestar Khalechi.
There is no single answer, but concerning changes should not simply be ignored. A person who appears deeply distressed deserves a check-in, even if it is as simple as asking, “Are you really okay?” or “Can I sit with you?”
The comments also exposed some misconceptions surrounding depression. Depression is not simply being sad, being weak, or having “a bad day.” Nor can someone necessarily overcome it by being told to “cheer up,” pray harder, or forget their problems.
“When it reaches the suicide level, mostly they try talking, but no one listens but judges. In fact, hao watu ndio wanaeza changia ukufe…wanaeza kusengenya adi ujidharau,” said Mercy Chamwada.
Faith and prayer can be meaningful sources of strength for many people, but they should not be used to dismiss someone’s emotional suffering or replace professional support when it is needed. In fact, Meddy was from church when she headed straight home and locked herself in the room.
Hypocrisy of society toward victims of depression
Perhaps the most painful lesson is the way society responds to suffering before and after death. After someone dies, messages of sympathy quickly appear. People describe them as good, hardworking, loving, and important. Friends remember conversations they had with them. Family members mourn. Social media is filled with photographs, condolences, and words about how much the person will be missed.
But the difficult question is: Where were we when that person was struggling? Of course, not every death can be prevented, and it would be unfair to place responsibility for a person’s death on neighbors, friends, or relatives without knowing the full circumstances. But the comments remind us of something important: we should not wait until someone is gone before showing them that they matter.
Human beings are often complicated. We can be quick to notice someone’s mistakes but slow to notice their pain. We may tell people to speak up, yet sometimes make them regret speaking when they finally do. We may say that we are available, but we become too busy when someone actually needs us.
We encourage everyone to take depression and emotional distress seriously. Check on your friends, relatives, colleagues, and neighbors. Listen when someone speaks. Pay attention when someone who is usually different suddenly becomes withdrawn. Do not dismiss someone’s pain simply because you cannot see it.
