Mel Akala, a Kenyan woman from the Idakho community, has shared a candid and humorous list of things non-Luhya women should consider before marrying a Luhya man. In a TikTok video that has sparked wide discussion on social media, she offers what she calls “important survival tips” for women intending to be married in Western Kenya.
Character comes first
The woman begins by emphasizing that character is non-negotiable when it comes to marrying into a Luhya household.
“It doesn’t matter how beautiful you are or how your behind looks; your character comes first,” she says. She explains that respect, obedience, and hard work are core values expected from any woman marrying a Luhya man.
Respect the father-in-law
She stresses the importance of showing respect to the father-in-law, describing him as a central figure in the family who must be honored regardless of his habits or flaws.
“Even if he’s a drunkard or a witch, respect him. That man can decide whether you stay or leave that homestead,” she warns, adding that trousers are not part of the recommended dress code.
Get along with the mother-in-law
When it comes to the mother-in-law, the woman advises being friendly and maintaining good relations, though not necessarily becoming best friends.
“A Luhya man listens to his mother. If you don’t get along with her, you might have problems,” she notes.
No room for infidelity
Mel cautions women against infidelity, saying that unfaithfulness is not tolerated in Luhya culture.
“If you’re the kind who can’t stay with one man, don’t come to Western. Our mothers will not allow that,” she says, adding that unfaithful women are likely to be sent back to their parents.
Learn to cook ugali
Ms. Akala highlights domestic expectations, especially the ability to cook ugali properly—a staple food in Western Kenya.
“If you can’t cook ugali, please don’t marry a Luhya man,” she insists, explaining that a poorly cooked meal could earn disapproval from the family.
She adds that serving tea early in the morning to the father-in-law and dressing modestly in his presence are also signs of good manners.
Respect family hierarchy and values
She reminds women that in a polygamous setting, the first wife always has seniority, regardless of beauty or age, and should be respected by the other wives.
According to her, Luhya men love children and believe in having at least three.
“One child is not enough,” she says, humorously adding that women should be ready to raise children born out of wedlock since “a true Luhya man never abandons his child.”
Mixed reactions online
The woman’s honest and comical take on Luhya marriage traditions has drawn mixed reactions online.
While some praised her for speaking the truth, others argued that her views reinforce outdated gender expectations.
“I’m a Luhya, but that is a past participle…we are in the 21st century…huo ujinga uliisha msitishwe njoo muoleke Western…” Valentine Miheo said.
Aki I’m a Luo, but this is so accurate. That’s why I love Western people. Very standard!” Said Princess Dianah.
Still, many viewers found her delivery entertaining and insightful, offering a glimpse into cultural values that continue to shape family life in parts of Western Kenya.
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