Man trying to get over something/Courtesy
Hi Nao Mih,
My name is Nick, I am a married man, but I have a child with my girlfriend, and my wife doesn’t know. I have rented them an apartment, but I find it very expensive to sustain two families separately. Is it wise to let my wife know so that I can take my girlfriend home and marry her as a second wife? Please advice
Hello Nick,
Marriage is the beginning of a family and a life-long commitment. Marriage is for companionship and to provide security for your children. It also provides an opportunity to grow in selflessness as you serve your wife and children.
Marriage is more than just a physical union; it’s a spiritual and emotional union. When a man and a woman get married, the “two become one.”
Marriage is a bond like no other. It gives us a life partner, a teammate, as we move through the challenges of life together.
Therefore, kids shouldn’t be a reason why you marry someone. This may not be what you want to hear now, but a marriage that’s bad won’t even favor your kid and clearly you may not be doing them any favor if you marry her just because you want to cut on living costs.
Marry her because you love her, trust her and ready to share your life together, not because of a situation that you’re in. A ‘situationship’ marriage is bound to become filled with animosity and resentment and mostly, this marriage will just go downhill.
Honesty is very important in any relationship. You know your wife better than I know her so I’d advise you tell her. You’ve made a mistake, admit it to her, she deserves to know the truth that you’ve a kid outside your marriage. Listen to her and talk to your baby mama too.
Your wife will feel betrayed but she’ll also be glad that she heard that from you. You’re thinking of marrying her, have you thought of where she’ll live? What if your wife doesn’t want to be in a polygamous marriage? And if she were to allow you, where would she live?
Clearly, they can’t live together in one house. So, talk to her, she’ll understand and also plan a meeting whenever she’s ready so you can discuss how the kid will be taken care of.
Communicate with each other, work out your differences, smooth things out, establish trust and just focus on training your kid and be the best parents. Best of luck Nick!
Naomi Makassi from Kitale, Trans Nzoia County, is a graduate of Rongo University who finds passion in helping young adults build successful relationships through writing.
