Hi Naomi,
Hide my identity. I am married, and I love my husband, but I feel more attracted to my bestie, who is my husband’s friend.
Kindly advise me before I do something stupid.
Hello, dear one,
Being in love with two people is more common than people may think. Loving two people doesn’t necessarily imply a desire for multiple romantic relationships or an inclination towards non-monogamy. However, polyamory could be an option if all parties consent and are open to the dynamic.
Understanding the Complexity: Relationship Conflicts and Stressors
In some cases, being in love with two people may lead to relationship conflicts, fears, and other stressors. Knowing how to navigate these situations can help you move forward with your love interests.
Talk to your partner
Initiate a conversation with your partner about your feelings. While it may be intimidating, he deserves to know. Gauge his comfort level and be prepared for the possibility of him not embracing polyamory. It’s crucial that he learn about your emotions directly from you.
Explore your feelings
Distinguish between love and lust. If it’s the latter, couples therapy may strengthen your bond. Alternatively, consider creating distance from the other person. For genuine love, deciding whether to separate from your spouse requires careful consideration. If pursuing a relationship with the other person is an option, ensure it’s done with consent and openness.
Assess the pros and cons
Understand that every decision has consequences. Create a pros-and-cons chart to evaluate leaving your marriage, opening it up, or pursuing a new relationship. Consider potential roadblocks and involve a therapist or friend to discuss fears and worries.
Ask yourself why
Reflect on what attracts you to the other person. Discuss potential roadblocks before they arise and involve a therapist or a trusted friend. Explore what the other person offers that your husband doesn’t, and give your marriage another chance.
Accept that it is going to be difficult
If open to non-monogamy, communicate openly. If your partner is uncomfortable, respect his feelings. Repeatedly bringing it up may cause distress.
Be empathetic of both parties
Open and direct communication is crucial. Consider the impact on your husband, his friend, and any children, assets, or businesses you share. Address practical aspects such as contraception, health tests, time management, living arrangements, and financial responsibilities.
Navigate the challenges
Be prepared for challenges like jealousy and conflicts. Balancing attention and affection may be difficult. Make decisions that prioritize the well-being of all parties involved.
Let your decision be long-term
If confusion persists, consider leaving your marriage or taking a break. Choose a decision you won’t regret in the long term. Prioritize your well-being and make choices that align with your values. Best of luck!
Naomi Makassi from Kitale, Trans Nzoia County, is a graduate of Rongo University who finds passion in helping young adults build successful relationships through writing.