Is my girlfriend trying to trap me with pregnancy?

Hello, Nao Mih,

I feel my girlfriend is trying to trap me with pregnancy. We had unprotected sex, but I remember I bought her some birth control pills to prevent her from getting pregnant, but it seems she didn’t take them. She is now three months pregnant. I feel like this is a trap. How can I be responsible for a kid I didn’t consent to conceive and wasn’t prepared to have?

Hello there,

You forgot to tell me your name, but I find your issue touching and relatable. 

It is true that we are always advised to use protection or birth control pills if we are not ready to be parents. But sometimes, these things backfire. I can’t explain how. 

As for if she is trying to trap you, I don’t think it is something important to delve in right now. You haven’t told me why she’d do this anyway. Are you super rich? Is she clingy? Are you very good looking?

If she can want to have a baby with you, then that’d be a very good thing from a girl you love. But treat this as something that has already taken course and you need to deal with it.

Nobody is ever truly prepared to be a parent, and anyone who’ll tell you that they are absolutely ready for a kid would be lying to you. The most important thing to do right now is to talk to her and see how to find a way forward. 

During that deep conversation, don’t bring up abortion unless she asks you, and tell her that you can do anything to make her and the baby happy, because for this you need to show that you are a real man. You can then find a job, if you don’t have one already, and support your child. 

After you build a sense of leadership for her, you’ll understand if she is happy, scared, or hurt. You’ll also get to know why she got pregnant – if she took the pills and it backfired on her or if she did that on purpose. Whatever her reason is, what’s done cannot be undone. All she needs right now is love and support from you.

That sounds like great advice, but only if you and your girl are willing to keep the baby. However, you may opt for adoption if that is not on your mind. Abortion can be an option only when the mother’s life is at risk. 

Don’t be a dead-beat father like many others. Prepare yourself for the next six months and all will fall into place. It is quite scary, but I want you to know that the storm will cease. In five or so years, you’ll look back and be proud of yourself. It is not easy, but with the support from both of you, it will have a happy ending. 

Nao Mih

Naomi Makassi, a Rongo University graduate from Kitale, Trans Nzoia County, is passionate about helping young adults build successful relationships through her writing.