Hi Nao Mih,
Please hide my identity. My homie, who finished college in 2021, has been staying with me after I decided to accommodate him in the city as he looks for a job. The problem is that he is overstaying yet he is not helping me pay rent and other bills. Neither is he showing any effort to look for a job. He spends all day eating, sleeping and watching TV. What can I do?
First, thumps up for showing concern for your friend and his future. It takes more than kindness to take care of someone as old as you; provide food, shelter, and even clothing when they’re just seated comfortably.
One thing I know about friendship is that you’re always there for each other, supporting one another emotionally, physically, and financially. However, things start heating up when you’re the only one stretching that helping hand.
Most people in this situation feel used, and in most cases, it damages relationships.
Being jobless is tough, especially when you’re staying with your friend’s who has also just started their first job. They’ve got their own responsibilities and the fact that they invited you in doesn’t make you their responsibility. It is simply out of kindness and care.
Your friend is intelligent enough to realize this. Let him know how you’re struggling too and that you wish he became a bit more serious. He can try to find a casual job as he waits for better employment and help you settle a few bills as he puts together his life.
Old habits die hard. Habits get replaced rather than removed. Instead of tolerating his seemingly parasitic behavior, politely talk him into going out there and facing the real world, as a real man would.
Many people have taken jobs that don’t even relate to what they studied in college to earn a living, become independent, and live a dignified life. You need to make your friend realize this. That’s the best way to love him rather than make him dependent on you.
Naomi Makassi from Kitale, Trans Nzoia County, is a graduate of Rongo University who finds passion in helping young adults build successful relationships through writing.